dear lauren: ten seconds

dear lauren,

i call this list

"your ten seconds to happiness" list.

read it when you're having a bad day.

maybe it will cheer you up.

1. you have a beautiful smile

2. you're going to be a great mother

3. your nose is perfect just the way it is

4. you're amazing at perler beads

5. you're so organized and on-time

6. you're always loving and caring and concerned about others

7. you are an awesome reader

8. your drawing and painting is beautiful
9. your skinny scarves are a-maz-ing.

10. you can do anything you put your mind to

11. i. love. you.

love, nicole

 



dear lauren: skinny scarves

dear lauren,

today we set up your etsy shop

for your skinny scarves.
you
are
so
creative.
i can't believe you thought of the idea all by yourself.
i had so much fun editing the pictures and designing the shop with you and mom.
you're special, sistah.
i love you.
love, nicole



dear lauren: glitter

dear lauren,

last night before our family movie night

you asked me if i wanted to do a craft with you.

i wasn't really feeling up to it.

but i'm glad i said yes.

you brought out your glitter glue kit

and we both made things for each other.

that was your idea too.

i decorated a paper picture frame for you.

i drew flowers on it with glitter and put a sticker on it that said

"friends forever."

you made me a picture of dragonflies and tulips.

it's really cute.

thank you.

and while we're on the subject of glitter

here's another quote.

i'm just full of inspirational quotes this week.

"she who leaves a trail of glitter

is never forgotten."

remember to sparkle.

love, nicole

 



dear lauren: ever after

dear lauren,

today we watched ever after.

that's probably my favorite movie of all time.

when you were talking with mom and dad,

 asking them all your questions about life and death and things,

mom told you that ever after was the last movie we watched

with grandma pederson before she died.

i was three and you weren't born yet.

i hadn't remembered that.

makes that movie even more special, huh?

i just thought of another quote for you.

it's from ever after.

"and while cinderella and her prince
did live happily ever after,

the point, gentlemen,
is that they lived." 

don't be so worried about living just because someday you're going to die.

dying is part of living.

and it's not the end, either.
it's just another step.

there's so much more in the "ever after" part.

also, remember that you are a princess okay?

God is our dad.
that's kind of awesome.
he's a king
and you're a princess.
and someday, you'll be a queen.
don't forget it.
love, nicole



dear lauren: no worries

dear lauren,

earlier today you said you worry that you worry too much.

i have a deep quote for you.

it's by ferris bueller.

"life moves pretty fast.
if you don't stop and look around once in a while,
 you might miss it."

i don't know if that even makes sense in this situation.

i just thought of it.

you can take it as, don't worry about stuff you can't change. just focus on today, and focus on what makes you happy.

everything

is

going

to

be

okay.

just a second ago i accidentally walked in on you and mom having a discussion

about life

and other serious stuff like that.

you were worried about all the people who have cancer

and all the babies who die right after they're born.

how come all that stuff happens?

mom told you everything happens for a reason

and that if we don't know what it feels like to be sad

we could never know what it feels like to be happy.

dad told you about the plan of salvation

and how if we're strong on earth

we can live with heavenly father forever.

that's a long time.

don't be scared.

it's all going to be fine.

i love you.

nathan loves you.

derek loves you.

kurt loves you.

dad loves you.

mom loves you.

God loves you.

Christ loves you.

i gon b okay.
hakuna matata, you know?

love, nicole

 



dear lauren: swing

dear lauren,

we went over to the neighbor's play ground and just talked.

i don't think we've done that together in a

long

time.

it was nice.

we swung on the swing and talked some more

about what we're naming our kids

and funny things that happened this week.

i thought it was cute that we were swinging on the swing

because that's what our mural is going to be of.

us on a swing.

i really like you, lauren.

i'm glad we're sisters.

love, nicole

 



dear lauren: paintbrush

dear lauren,

mom told us to sleep in today.

we didn't.

i was lying awake in bed at about eight

and i was staring at the wall

thinking how much prettier it would be if it was painted.

i thought, i'm going to paint a mural on that wall.

not just any mural.

it will be of you and me.

i told you my idea, and you said you wanted to help.

i said sure.

you said while i'm getting ready to paint the wall

you wanted to paint a picture of a paintbrush.

that's really cool.

maybe today mom will let us start.

love, nicole

 



dear lauren: lily pad

dear lauren,

i really needed to pack for efy, and i wasn't in the mood for anything.

but i heard you crying downstairs so i went to see what was up.

you couldn't make this origami flower.

so i made it for you.

i opened it up at the end, and you gasped

and told me thank you.

you had already made a leaf.

so you glued the two together and it looked just like

a lily pad.

we'll make a whole pond next week.

love, nicole

 



dear lauren: tic tacs

dear lauren,

you just came up to me and said

since you were such a good babysitter, here you go.

and you gave me four strawberry tic tacs
and a hug.

i'm eating the tic tacs right now.

they taste really good.

thank you.
you're on the phone with mom in the other room now.
you're telling her all of the fun things we did together while she was gone.
let's always be this awesome, okay?
love, nicole

 

 

dear lauren: big little

dear lauren,

enjoy the little things in life

for someday

you will realize

they were the big things.

that's on a sign in our house. it's right above the stereo next to the christus statue.

i've always believed it.

but i've never been able to see it.

i've always known it was something that would eventually be true.

someday i'll realize.

someday it will be true.

someday i'll see it.

but i think i'm starting to see it now.

i was laying in my bed this morning. thinking.

you woke up and asked if you could come into my bed.

you would not have asked me that two days ago.

i realized that the little things are what build relationships.

i've been told that my whole life.

but now i can see it.

it's awesome when dad takes us to disneyland. when he took to sun river. when we made the basketball court in our front yard.

that's all amazing.

but

it meant so much more to me

when that one day, he told me he liked my hair. i remember how it looked.

i remember how i felt.

some of my friends have probably never been told by their dad that he loves them.

but every night

i say to dad

goodnight, daddy.

and he says

goodnight, nicole. love you.

and i say

love you too.

and then he says

sweet dreams.

and i smile.

every night.

that's what i'm going to remember about my dad.

this morning i realized the little things are the big things.

you're going to remember when we make cookies together.

you're going to remember when i take the time to paint your nails.

you're going to remember that day when we finger knitted together for three whole movies.

you're going to remember when i tuck you in at night

and tell you i love you

and you know that i meant it.

i hope you remember all of that.

love, nicole

 

 



dear lauren: pudding

dear lauren,

we just finished making cookies together.

i told you i was putting pudding mix into the dough and you made a funny face.

but it was the best dough we've ever made.

i put in the essential michael jackson cd and asked you what your favorite mj song was

you said say say say.

that's my favorite too.

we talked about all of our other favorite michael jackson songs

and then you told me that you didn't really like candy.

sometimes it makes you sick looking at it, you said.

i guess i'll have to think of something different to put on your bed in the morning.

love, nicole

 

 



dear lauren: closer

dear lauren,

after the movie we picked out an outfit and i did your hair. i pulled your bangs back and it looks really cute.

i painted your nails light pink to match your shirt.

as i was painting them, i was thinking of things to talk with you about.

then it hit me.

i don't know your favorite color.

i'm your sister, and i don't even know your favorite color.

so i asked you.

you told me you like lime green and light pink, like your nails.

i asked you what your favorite animal was. you asked if you could pick three.

lemurs, cheetahs, and elephants

no, giraffes, you said.

your favorite foods are tamale pie and tater tots.

your favorite ice cream flavor is cookie dough.

your favorite disney princess is belle.

like me.

all these things i should've known but didn't until today.

i asked you what you want to be when you grow up.

a person who works in the baby room at the hospital, you said.

you also said you want to be a good mom

and that's the coolest thing i've ever heard.

i think we're a little closer to becoming best friends.

love, nicole

 

 

 

dear lauren: erised

dear lauren,

mom and dad are out of town for the day.

you're cuddled in a blanket on the couch getting ready for our harry potter marathon.

i asked you if you would teach me to finger knit during the movie

since you're so amazing at it.

you said yes.
then nathan tried to make you an omelet for breakfast
with onions on top, because you like that.
but it turned into scrambled eggs.

during the first harry potter, i asked you what you think you would see if you looked into that mirror that harry found.
the one that shows you the deepest desire of your heart.
you said you didn't know.
i don't know either.
but i think it might have something to do with the two of us together.
my finger scarf is looking good.
love, nicole

 



dear lauren: heart space

dear lauren,

sometimes when you can't sleep you ask me to do that yoga thing i learned in 8th grade.

you lay down on your back and close your eyes

and i tell you a story.

you're in a room, and huge room, with a ceiling forty feet high, the walls covered with bookshelves. in the middle of the room, there's a table.

on the table, there's an envelope addressed to you.

inside, there's a key.

the key unlocks your heart space.

in your heart space, are all your favorite things. waterfalls, a beautiful sunset, monarch butterflies. there's a piano in the field and your bed is in the middle of your garden. it's almost nighttime, but it's still warm outside.

you're lying on your bed, and all of your problems seem so small they almost don't exist.

you're going to do great on your presentation tomorrow

it doesn't matter what the popular girls at school think of you

boys are stupid anyways.

you throw all of it out of your mind and it gets carried away in the slight breeze.

then you smile and fall asleep.

and eventually you really do.

so i stroke your hair

and whisper that i love you

and shut the door behind me.

love, nicole

 

dear lauren: twinkly keys

dear lauren,

it's still wednesday. i asked you if you wanted to do something fun. you were surprised but then you grinned, and you said, sure.

so we played our first duet on the piano. it was simple, but it was beautiful. i played some chords in the left hand, and you did some high pretty notes in the right hand.

it was really beautiful.

after we were done, we sat there, and we didn't say anything.

then you slowly leaned your head on my shoulder.

i smiled.
i held your hand up the stairs to take you to bed, and you offered me some of your strawberry tic tacs.
you hugged me and told me you loved me.

i thought, i should do more fun things with you.

love, nicole

 



dear lauren: better

dear lauren,

i need to be better at a lot of things.

like, a lot.

a better student

a better basketball player

a better writer
better at not procrastinating

a better singer

a better piano player

a better young woman
better at saying "i love you"

a better friend

a better daughter.

a better sister.

there's a lot.

sometimes i freak out because i don't know how to be all that. but i'm going to try. 

it scares me when i think, i'm the only sister you have. i'm supposed to be your role model. i'm supposed to be the girl you think is so cool, that you want to be just like. i'm supposed to be the one you come to when you have problems.

right now, i'm not there.

but it want to be there so badly.

lauren, i'm going to be a better sister. it's not going to happen overnight. but i have some ideas about where to start.

ways i can make you happy

- leave notes on your bed

- do perler beads with you

- have a disney movie night together

- draw you a picture

- make fairy houses with you

- make up a duet on the piano

- bake cookies

we're going to get there.

love, nicole

 



dear lauren: let's fix this

dear lauren,
i want you to know that i really, really

really

love you.

i'm mean sometimes. i blame you for a lot of things that aren't your fault. i tell you that you don't understand in the name of being older than you, and i forget that you have problems of your own. and i'm so, so sorry.

but guess what?

you're my sister.

 that's means that no matter what, i'm always going to be here.

i'm always going to help you with whatever you need.

and i'm always

always

going to love you.

in three years, we're going to go on an outing before i leave for college, and i'll be telling you how much i love you over and over again.

in 15 years, we're going to be calling each other saying how silly we were when we used to fight over who got to use the bathroom first or why did you steal my socks?

one day we're both going to be moms and our daughters will be best friends. someday we're going to be old ladies who still hang out and have tea parties and watch disney princess movies and bake cookies.

one day we're going to be best friends.

how about today?

let's fix this. let's be best friends.

deal?

deal.

love, nicole