dear lauren: heart space

dear lauren,

sometimes when you can't sleep you ask me to do that yoga thing i learned in 8th grade.

you lay down on your back and close your eyes

and i tell you a story.

you're in a room, and huge room, with a ceiling forty feet high, the walls covered with bookshelves. in the middle of the room, there's a table.

on the table, there's an envelope addressed to you.

inside, there's a key.

the key unlocks your heart space.

in your heart space, are all your favorite things. waterfalls, a beautiful sunset, monarch butterflies. there's a piano in the field and your bed is in the middle of your garden. it's almost nighttime, but it's still warm outside.

you're lying on your bed, and all of your problems seem so small they almost don't exist.

you're going to do great on your presentation tomorrow

it doesn't matter what the popular girls at school think of you

boys are stupid anyways.

you throw all of it out of your mind and it gets carried away in the slight breeze.

then you smile and fall asleep.

and eventually you really do.

so i stroke your hair

and whisper that i love you

and shut the door behind me.

love, nicole

 

dear lauren: twinkly keys

dear lauren,

it's still wednesday. i asked you if you wanted to do something fun. you were surprised but then you grinned, and you said, sure.

so we played our first duet on the piano. it was simple, but it was beautiful. i played some chords in the left hand, and you did some high pretty notes in the right hand.

it was really beautiful.

after we were done, we sat there, and we didn't say anything.

then you slowly leaned your head on my shoulder.

i smiled.
i held your hand up the stairs to take you to bed, and you offered me some of your strawberry tic tacs.
you hugged me and told me you loved me.

i thought, i should do more fun things with you.

love, nicole

 



dear lauren: better

dear lauren,

i need to be better at a lot of things.

like, a lot.

a better student

a better basketball player

a better writer
better at not procrastinating

a better singer

a better piano player

a better young woman
better at saying "i love you"

a better friend

a better daughter.

a better sister.

there's a lot.

sometimes i freak out because i don't know how to be all that. but i'm going to try. 

it scares me when i think, i'm the only sister you have. i'm supposed to be your role model. i'm supposed to be the girl you think is so cool, that you want to be just like. i'm supposed to be the one you come to when you have problems.

right now, i'm not there.

but it want to be there so badly.

lauren, i'm going to be a better sister. it's not going to happen overnight. but i have some ideas about where to start.

ways i can make you happy

- leave notes on your bed

- do perler beads with you

- have a disney movie night together

- draw you a picture

- make fairy houses with you

- make up a duet on the piano

- bake cookies

we're going to get there.

love, nicole

 



dear lauren: let's fix this

dear lauren,
i want you to know that i really, really

really

love you.

i'm mean sometimes. i blame you for a lot of things that aren't your fault. i tell you that you don't understand in the name of being older than you, and i forget that you have problems of your own. and i'm so, so sorry.

but guess what?

you're my sister.

 that's means that no matter what, i'm always going to be here.

i'm always going to help you with whatever you need.

and i'm always

always

going to love you.

in three years, we're going to go on an outing before i leave for college, and i'll be telling you how much i love you over and over again.

in 15 years, we're going to be calling each other saying how silly we were when we used to fight over who got to use the bathroom first or why did you steal my socks?

one day we're both going to be moms and our daughters will be best friends. someday we're going to be old ladies who still hang out and have tea parties and watch disney princess movies and bake cookies.

one day we're going to be best friends.

how about today?

let's fix this. let's be best friends.

deal?

deal.

love, nicole